the way i just wanna kms and end it , but everything seems hard to do , i am tired i have health problems , cevere depression and anxiety , also trauma like a lot of trauma that keeps ruinin my life even tho i'm tryin to change my only escape was my boyfriend and he is or he claims to be "metfehem" and he understands my case my anger issues my depression my health issues my loneliness and he always tried to be here for me but when i'm at my lowest and start hurting my self he starts being selfish he has so much ego and he always realizes what he've done late and thr problem is that i'm too attached bc he was my bestfriend for 5 years and we're gonna be officialy together for 1 year tomorrow and i'm so sad i wanted to celebrate it with him yes he does like gifts etc small attentions the only problem is whebever i feel something or i'm at my lowest i never find him he says that he cannot control anger and that he has a problems with feelings but the thing tht i feel thag he jst doesnt love me ? i can't get over the fact that he left me alone and he slept many times and i kept waitin for him crying and self harming my body i suffered too much but whenever he realizes he does it too late and he cries to me and say sorry he even start hittin himself to the point where i believe that he really loves me and that he didn't do that on ourpose please i need advices what do you think of behaviour do you think he loves me and is it normal to love someone but you cannot control your anger to the point that you can drop him? i am at my lowest and i've always been and i never dropped him but he can drop me at anyxmomebt and everything we talk after the problem he says i swear mashi bl3ani and wlh i love you i'll do my best and he even cried he went through a lot i know that and that's what keepin and givin me patience to stay with him but it's tll much why doesn't he think the same why do i feel that he's fakin his emotiobs even if he czn't let me go please i need help i need explanations i feel lonely he says i zone it and his past trauma made him kinda "cold hearted"and he doesbt feel fear

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