How a school incident messed up my mental health

Coffee_80053 🇦🇹

5 hours ago

Feeling Concerned

I’ve been a very shy person my whole life, not good at communicating and not very confident. when i was in 8th grade i had an incident that kind of messed up my whole life it might sound stupid but it really did a big damage to my mental health, there was this playboy in my class he was the oldest, he kinda made everyone think he’s the leader, i never talked to him ,didn’t care about him i was always minding my business.one day the teacher decided to change everyone’s places and i ended up sitting in the back of the class and he was in the table behind me at first i didn’t care but then he started to try and talk to me kinda get close to me and when i didn’t give him any attention he started approaching me and annoying me to the point where he started touching me kinda inappropriately and making comments. everyone took it as a joke and started laughing while he was having fun and i couldn’t say anything because everyone was on his side days went by and i got sick of this situation so i took the courage and told my mom about it my mom went straight to our most strict teacher and told her about it right at that moment the teacher came to our class in the middle of a lesson and she yelled at him in front of the whole class but she didn’t say who complained abt him and then the whole class started questioning who did it and i felt like an imposter hiding between them and that feeling made me overthink everything , every step i take every gesture they do and i started doubting if they found out or maybe they suspect mei was afraid he was gonna do something or everyone is going to be against me and hate me it lead me hating to go to school just so i don’t start hallucinating about them talking about me or something. and from that day till now i started overthinking about everything and everyone which later on it lead to some panic attacks and a lot of anxiety attacks and no it affects me and my studies in uni since i can’t do presentations without having those anxiety attacks mid my preforming . I now hate me and my life.

I'm drained from being a parent to my parents

i only come here when im tired of writing on paper and i feel like needing to talk to a human being not an object. I'm stressed, lost and overwhelmed. it's hard being a caregiver to a sick parent who has regular hospital visits, a student and a parent to your parents and holding a household together all at once while having your own mental, personal and health struggles. i keep denying that I'm lost but i can't anyone but the thing is, I'm drained i don't have energy left to find myself again and like someone important to me told me today " it's not fair to just keep living to the expectations your parents have of you, it's not fair to you" and i agree it's not fair that it's consuming me and leaving me with nothing to give for myself. i just want some rest, some time, some energy to be present while i do something. i feel more like a robot than human. and the only thing i do for myself is haram and i can't give it up because I'm clinging to any bit of comfort i can get. i sometimes catch myself thinking that i really need someone to care for me, someone that i don't have to be strong with someone who will not just take my love and energy but also appreciate and give them back, at other time i think that i just want any spare or leftover energy to do all that for myself but well i don't have both. imagine having to do all this alone while also caring for your own physical, mental and emotional and you also gotta work on yourself to be better educated wise, maturity and personality wise and also looks wise, it's just hard. i know i yapped a lot and it was all negative but still can't deny that I'm grateful for many things in my life like having my brothers and still being here and not giving up and still trying despite everything, I'm grateful for my having access to food and snacks as they bring me a little joy and I'm grateful for sometimes having ingredients to make baked goods, baking is like the sweetest escape and im grateful for my stuffed animals too and my moon candle♡ both lists can go on the good and the bad but i don't think anyone will even read this far so i guess that's enough ...see more

0 Supports

9 Advice