I lost my spark and I'm so scared

Cherry_87431 🇩🇿

19 hours ago

Feeling Tired

well , I don’t know why I’m being like this I lost my patience towards everything I love. studying , reading books , talking to people, and more than this , it may look so stupid but it’s killing me , especially when it comes for being me , i wake up every day just to wake up , ok i study everyday day and at least im trying but it’s not me , i lost my spark last year for real, i lost everything every part of me , and im scared, I’m so scared..

I'm drained from being a parent to my parents

i only come here when im tired of writing on paper and i feel like needing to talk to a human being not an object. I'm stressed, lost and overwhelmed. it's hard being a caregiver to a sick parent who has regular hospital visits, a student and a parent to your parents and holding a household together all at once while having your own mental, personal and health struggles. i keep denying that I'm lost but i can't anyone but the thing is, I'm drained i don't have energy left to find myself again and like someone important to me told me today " it's not fair to just keep living to the expectations your parents have of you, it's not fair to you" and i agree it's not fair that it's consuming me and leaving me with nothing to give for myself. i just want some rest, some time, some energy to be present while i do something. i feel more like a robot than human. and the only thing i do for myself is haram and i can't give it up because I'm clinging to any bit of comfort i can get. i sometimes catch myself thinking that i really need someone to care for me, someone that i don't have to be strong with someone who will not just take my love and energy but also appreciate and give them back, at other time i think that i just want any spare or leftover energy to do all that for myself but well i don't have both. imagine having to do all this alone while also caring for your own physical, mental and emotional and you also gotta work on yourself to be better educated wise, maturity and personality wise and also looks wise, it's just hard. i know i yapped a lot and it was all negative but still can't deny that I'm grateful for many things in my life like having my brothers and still being here and not giving up and still trying despite everything, I'm grateful for my having access to food and snacks as they bring me a little joy and I'm grateful for sometimes having ingredients to make baked goods, baking is like the sweetest escape and im grateful for my stuffed animals too and my moon candle♡ both lists can go on the good and the bad but i don't think anyone will even read this far so i guess that's enough ...see more

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I feel ugly, fat, and like I can't be loved

I feel like i cant be loved for who im i feel ugly i feel fat i feel like i can never fit in this society, i feel like I've hidden myself too much to the point that i dont know who im anymore i dont know I've lied to myself too much at this point just to make my family happy now im almost 20 and i dont know who i wanna be or who im i i see girls my age studying what they wanted and working and going out while im even scared to talk to my dad ...see more

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I'm lost, alone, and feel disgusting

I don't know who I'm, I don't know anything, I don't even know why I'm writing this in english, maybe because I can explain my feelings in it without feeling that I'm embarrassing? I know I'm just a teen and this feeling may be nothing to the old people now but I'm in too much stress I want cry, I can't sleep, I don't like eating, I think I'm ugly even if someone told me I'm pretty. I do a lot wrong things and I feel like I'm disgusting, I don't think I have a home a real one, people leaves I know but I can't handle it... I have friends? I guess maybe? I can't focus I can't remember anything I'm like an idiot, I'm lost and I'm alone ...see more

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