nostalgia Real Stories - 9 Experiences, Advice & Support

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https://en.toheal.app/problem/** unplanned-what-if-i-outgrew-you-but-still-feel-okay **-42917

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(part1).. I don't think anyone would read this, and it has been in my notes since the end of Aug'24
/
Unplanned 
I always kinda felt that you are part of my life that just will come back
I can't explain it 
Is it all the memories and the things we have been through like you say
Or is it because you were my first everything 
And I was yours (I didn't know this information)
I really do enjoy talking with you
But you still have the reasons that I left you for
You still care mostly about yourself
You still have not figured your life out (not that I totally have)
You still are the child you were
And I just outgrown you now
I can see through all of that, all of you
But the thing is
I really feel okay talking to you
I needed to feel that
I think I still do
However, I don't know if talking to you will be something I look forward to once I gather myself again
I don't know if you have a place in my life with the adult, gathered me
We held each other through when we were vulnerable.. Not mature
I think I have this one ‘what if’ in my mind

You said lots of things when we talked
You even said you loved me & that we will get married (as a joke)
But
In serious talks
You said that there are no love feelings
Then
You said that we can be Friends
That you have not brought out that “we will get back together”
by these words
i felt a lot of things
Sadness Joy Anger Relief 
but i felt the most dumb
dumb that i never believed that we could be friends.. maybe my second ‘what if’ is that 
what if we talked way way more sooner and been friends since then
anyhow
You cut me off for couple of days
I loved that! Because it showed me that I hate this! And that we are impossible to happen.

Why do I look for reasons not to be with you?
Why am I even thinking about this!

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