it's hard when you have spent 16 years of studying, just to get your parent's affection, as a way to feel enough..better at something..special.. only to arrive at a point where you don't receive their affection anymore, your high grades turned to be a duty... something forced.. I don't feel supported by anyone anymore by my family... in fact, they make me feel worse especially my mom.. she prefers my younger brother (I'm the middle) she always treats him differently, and when i sometimes raise my voice unintentionally,from the stress, at her.. she tells me that I'm ungrateful, that she'll slap me if i continue... this thing only led me to search affection out, in my school...falling for anyone who listens to me.. and i did fell for my best friend but..he already had a girlfriend, and it was my last year there. so i just kept my emotions inside, overthought, carred to much...just to keep him... but that year ended..and we're in different schools... I don't want to study anymore, i feel lonely in school, in home, in everything...i thought about hurting myself, killing it, cuz i was tired of all this..but i didn't just for God... But I can't deny the fact that it's killing me slowly all this... especially since I'm studying for nothing, since i want to be a writer..not a doctor..or pilot..or anything.. i want to be free for once...to be kidnapped, to have a disease..cancer..killed...married.. anything to escape this fuckin hell

5

4